D U N

For the freaking love of all that is holy. Where are the normal decent guys? They MUST be out there! Maybe they're hiding in Home Depot or something. I know plenty of cute single girls (present company included) who don't list much besides a job and a decent personality as qualities they'd like in a boyfriend. But even those two qualities seem a bit lofty these days.

So let me clue ya'll in to the reason for my latest soapbox. In case you haven't heard, I'm single. And I've been out with a wide variety of dudes searching for my elusive EC. The pickings have never been particularly bounteous but sometimes they have been plentiful enough that I was hopeful some normal boys were in my midst. Sadly the pickings have become really slim lately. Ethiopian-starving-children-circa-"We are the World" slim. First there's Head Injury Widower Boy. I know, I name them all sorts of wacky things. But I've gone out with lots of Johns, Davids, and Matts so it prevents confusion.

Anyway, I first met HIW last year when I signed up with LDS Linkup — my first commitment to online dating. At the time he'd had a horrible injury and shattered his femur mountain biking. We talked on the phone a couple times and because of the way he talked and what he said I thought he must have sustained some sort of head injury (hence the name) and I wondered if his wife had died with this accident. And honestly widowers make me a little leery. I worry I'd never live up to the legend of the dead wife. You know what I mean? She could have been a total shrew but the lucky fact is that she popped it before her time and can therefore be immortalized in fantasy and reign atop her ivory tower for eternity. And then there's the whole thought of having to be a multiple wife in eternity. Ick! I know it will all get worked out in heaven, blah blah blah, but why take the chance if you can avoid it?

Anyway I got kind of an odd vibe and went out with some other guys and never talked to him again. So at the end of the summer I started doing more to drum up some business for myself and met up with HIW again. He bikes, I bike, we emailed about biking before it got too cold, then I got bronchitis so that was out for awhile. Anyway, we finally talked again. Struck me as a bit odd that he remembered NOTHING from last year. Nothing! Didn't remember we'd talked. Then the way he talked again — while not AS alarming — still made me wonder if he was just really shy/socially awkward or if he was a little messed in the head.

Last week I went to get my hair done and was chatting with my hair dresser about my pathetic love life (she hadn't heard about Circue du Soleil Boy or the current ones) and apparently her brother is HIW's roommate! Small world I tell you! AND he DID have a head injury!! More alarmingly he still has pictures of his dead wife all over the house (SEE!! Immortalized forever!!) and has major issues because he was driving when they had the horrible accident that killed his wife. I felt totally validated! Go with your instincts, people! And yes yes his whole scenario is terribly tragic blah blah blah. I feel bad for the dude. But not bad enough to willingly hook myself up to that baggage train!

My other dating option has been Man Boobs. I know. Unfortunate nickname. But he has them and at the end of this story you'll be thinking of worse nicknames for him anyway. So Man Boobs came to me via eharmony. And I hang my head down in shame that I didn't cut off ties to eharmony when I first cancelled my membership a few months ago. But I tell you now I have cut ALL ties to that organization! But that is a different rant for a different day.

Anywho, MB and I went through the whole eharmony schtick. After we got to the level where you can write emails to each other he asked if he could call. So I gave him my number. His profile lists him living in Newton, UT which is up near Logan so I didn't really think much about him. A couple weeks ago he texted me and we chatted via text for a couple minutes and then he asked me out. Found out he actually lives in Taylorsville so we made plans to meet up at Trolley Square. He told me I should wear something hot. I told him I'd be smoking hot because that's how I roll. He then told me he meant because it was cold out. Ha Ha. Whatever. So that became his little joke. "Wear something hot." Annoying but my standards are low.

So the day came for the date and I just couldn't face the thought of going out with him. He'd never called me and only ever texted and then had these "jokes" about me wearing something hot. Because it's getting cold out. Ha ha. I just wasn't emotionally willing to face him as my dating option. So I cancelled and he said he'd have had to cancel anyway.

We were both busy for the next couple weeks but he texted again this past Monday and since I was in a better emotional place, we made plans to go out Friday. Again with the wearing something hot nonsense. He's 30 btw. Not 18 as you may be thinking. Thursday comes and he texts me to ask if we're still on because "otherwise I've got a lot of side projects I could do." Ouch! Mind you I wasn't exactly clicking my heels at the thought of this date but I wasn't looking for a way out either! So we texted back and forth and I asked him why he would say that and that I had a party I could go to instead and should we just be done with trying to go out? He replied that he totally wanted to go out and his question just came out wrong. Whatever weirdo. When you CALL people you can avoid miscommunications like this!

Fateful Friday arrived. I got a text from him at 5 clarifying the time we were meeting. I replied but he kept texting me about what we could do after dinner. Movie? was one text. Makeout? was the next. I was replying to those two when he sent a third: Hot steamy sex? At this point I could be jokey and play along but he was starting to push boundaries. I told him he was getting ahead of himself and I didn't even know if he'd be bringing mints! It just went downhill from there. He said he'd bring mints and protection hahaha. I told him he needed a cold shower. He then asked if I wanted to join him. After that I stopped responding. But he kept on going! Told me to wear sexy panties. Asked if I liked it rough or soft and gentle. Yuck yuck YUCK!! 17 texts in 30 minutes! I felt totally violated and told him he'd made me uncomfortable and he totally crossed the line, we obviously didn't fit, and dinner was off. Stupid douche bag! All of this coming from a guy I nick named MAN BOOBS! The creepy loser! During our first text conversation he asked if I was Mormon. Because he asked the question I assumed he wasn't and replied that I was and if that turned him off. He replied, "oh no! I'm Mormon too. Just checking." Okay, he's Mormon but then he treats me like that! WTF?!! Thank goodness I never met this dirt bag! Ickity ick!!

And those two reasons are why I am done — DUN! I will no longer be accepting applications from crazy people. If I have a bad vibe about you, forget it! Let your freak flag fly someplace else! I'm not saying I won't be giving people the benefit of the doubt but I am releasing myself from guilt. If I don't want to go out with someone I don't have to do it. And that's just fine! Doesn't mean I'm extinguishing my hope of finding someone special. I'm just being a bit nicer to myself. As Meredith said, "are you REALLY going to marry someone you've nicknamed Man Boobs?" The answer is no. I never nickname the boys I like.

On to something positive. Even though dating times are less than ideal, I do have my jewelry to keep me occupied. I'm posting some pics of some things I've been working on. Most of you know I'm participating in a boutique on November 20th. After that I'll be setting up a storefront on etsy to sell my wares or you could buy them direct from me through my blog if you're ever interested. So here are some of my favorite pieces:

Bracelet made with magnesite stones and sterling sliver beads

various bracelets for babies - school age kids

Earrings with aquamarine stones wrapped with sterling silver wire and pearl drops attached to the bottom

Sterling silver leaf earrings

Bracelet with sterling silver and fresh water pearls

I almost forgot! I did have something fabulous happen this month! I got to live out my 7th grade dream and was on the front row at a B-52s concert! Totally awesome!! None of them have aged particularly well but Kate Pierson looked like she'd stuffed herself into a leather sausage casing and wandered there from rehab. Luckily her microphone was off at one point or she would have started singing too early when they sang "Roam." BUT it was still fabulous! They sounded awesome and Cindy Wilson and Fred Schneider were great. Here are a couple pics from that epic event:

Cindy beating her bongos

So there you have it. My life in the pathetic nutshell it currently resides. Keep on keeping on, peeps!