It's been a rough week. Carrie finally lost her battle with leukemia. I had a feeling that she would lose her life to this disease but I didn't think it would be so soon. Or at least I hoped I still had time with her. But I do know that that although I do not understand why, it was her time to go. She had received blessings and had enough faith to be healed, as did all her family and friends praying for her. And since miracles follow faith it had to be her time to go. That little bit of understanding and peace has helped bring some closure. But I miss her.
I also thought I'd explain where my nickname for her (McT) came from. After her thyroid cancer surgery she twitched a lot whenever her calcium levels were off. Which was often. So I called her Twitchy McTwitch which then got shortened to McT. We started emailing each other frequently when she was radioactive and quarantined and kept that going until she passed away. Still doesn't seem real. I catch myself checking my email at work hoping that she's written me back.
Her friendship was a gift. A direct answer to prayer. Her support got me through some seriously rough times over the years. I always knew that no matter what ridiculous thing I was going through, she would understand and empathize with me about it. Boyfriends, family, friends, pets — whatever lame thing I was dealing with, she would understand and make me feel better. She was a spiritual rock and would help anchor me whenever I was feeling adrift and lost.
But best of all she was funny! She was always smiling and laughing. Even when she was in so much pain during the last few months she would smile and joke.
I could go on but there's not really anything more to say. She was a great friend and I am looking forward to seeing her again. As you can tell I borrowed some pictures of her to post here (got to love facebook!) and I have had a couple people ask what I said at her funeral so I'm posting my remarks and Dorian's awesome video below.
McT
I met Carrie when I oriented her to work as a nurse on the Infant Unit at Primary Children's. Over the years we became close friends and I am honored to be here representing her PCMC family.
As a nurse Carrie was exceptional. She was intelligent, calm in a crisis, and had excellent clinical assessment skills. She recognized subtle changes in her patients' condition and knew what to do to prevent their condition from deteriorating. If you had a child in the hospital you wanted her standing at their bedside.
Beyond her clinical skills, she LOVED her patients and she treated them like she would her own children. She made sure they were held, loved, and cared for every shift she worked. She made hair bows for the baby girls and brought elastics for pigtails. When Primary's switched brands of lotion she always had her own supply of our beloved Johnson's and Johnson's baby lotion so her patients wouldn't smell like Sween Cream.
She cared for all the parents as well and several became dear friends. She'd often ask me if I remembered a parent and say something like "Oh she was the mom of a patient we had on the unit 4 or 5 years ago" and then give me an update on how the patient was doing, what the parents were doing, and how all the siblings were as well.
As a coworker she was a delight. She made coming to work something I anticipated and enjoyed. My favorite days were when we worked weekends together and the charge nurse the night before (usually Allison) hooked us up to work on the same pod with Meredith and some of our other friends like Marianne and Becky. Working with her was always more of a team effort. She never asked if you needed help with your patient load she just helped when she saw a need. Alarms got answered, meds were flushed — she took care of everyone.
And we had so much fun. She had a great sense of humor and her laugh was infectious. We bounced quarters off her bum to prove she had buns of steel. Which she did. They were incredible. She practiced cheer moves on B pod and showed us some of her old routines. She gave us nicknames like Luna, Big Bird, Kitty, and One-L, to name a few. Many of you don’t even realize you had a nickname — but you did.
She loved making people laugh. One of our social workers was named Janet Jackson and any time I was talking to Janet, Carrie would come whisper in my ear: "It’s Janet: Miss Jackson, if you're nasty!" Or when I was talking to physicians she would stand behind them and make faces at me and try to get me to crack up laughing.
She remembered details about the people she worked with and genuinely cared about what was going in their lives. Whenever anyone was having a baby or getting married, she made certain to get them a gift. And she was always emotionally present with everyone and that made her a great listener.
Those were actually my favorite times with her. Our talks. We'd talk about anything and everything. She'd tell me about whatever new thing Kaden was in to and the cute things he'd do with his sister; how big Kenadee was getting and all the ways she'd express her personality. And always about Dorian and how lucky she felt to have him as a rock she could always lean on no matter what was going on in her life. Whenever we talked, no matter what burdens I carried they always felt lighter because I knew she truly cared about me and was carrying them with me.
She loved effortlessly. She truly was an angel on earth and many times acted directly as God's hands in my life.
Since she passed and I've been thinking about what to say today, I've thought about all the things that made her so incredibly special. Everything I thought of came back to that gift of loving others so genuinely. I think her greatest gift was allowing others to feel through her a glimpse of the unselfish love Jesus Christ has for each of us. She truly embodied charity — which is the pure love of Christ. As described by the apostle Paul in 1 Cor 13:4-8 :
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity denieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth."
Elder Dallin Oaks explained that "the reason charity never fails and the reason charity is greater than even the most significant acts of goodness is that charity is a condition. A state of being." And Carrie was there. She wasn't merely trying to live a Christ like life, she embodied His love and showed me how I could be a better nurse and a better friend through her example.
I miss my friend.
In conclusion I just want to tell her ‘goodbye’ officially:
Carrie,
I hope you know how much I treasure our friendship and I am so grateful to know that relationships don't end when we stop living. I'm excited to see you again and am honored to have played a small part in your story. And remember, you and I have a date. You promised you'd be sitting next to me at my wedding and I am holding you to it.
Love you, McT.
Forever.
